Lost inside of you Part 12/? Sequel to No place to hide

[zazajb]

Title: Lost inside of you Part 12/?
Author: zazajb
Rating: NC-17 overall, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, Martha/Tom, The Doctor [10] Donna, Lois/Peter
Spoilers - TW anything is possible - via memories, inc DW
Summary: Sequel to No place to hide. Sometimes I don't know where I end and he begins...
Masterlist http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to dabble with them from time to time
This is for wise_n_witty 

X-posted Jantolution & jackxianto

Warning – COE, character death, angst this chapter.

Thanks to Wykling for the awesome banner *hugs*

A/N Finally made it back from Florida...nightmare journey... As expected I have unprecedented piles of marking to catch up on so posting will be a bit erratic for a week or two...please bear with me...

 

 

Lost inside of you  Part 12/?

The Doctor’s mind space lit up with the warmth of his memories, the sadness softened with time and the gentle touch of the entwined minds of his two companions.

They moved in closer, the air around them shimmering as they passed first through the quantum force field then the transduction barrier, to emerge in the burnt orange sky of Gallifreyan night that cast an amber tint on the landscape.

They watched as the dawn came, the suns rising – one in the east, the second in the south – and they were bathed in a breath-taking panorama of pinks, oranges and golds, a gentle breeze like warm breath against their skin.

The sunlight reflected off the silver leaves on the trees so they shone like a forest on fire, casting dancing shadows across the expanse of red grass that stretched as far as the eye could see until the rise of snow-capped mountains in the distance.

The Doctor’s voice was a hushed whisper. “When I was a boy we lived in a house half-way up a mountain. I would run down the slope as the suns rose and the rocks would gleam red and brown and purple and gold and I would imagine I was in the heart of a rainbow...then I’d look up when I reached the bottom, and the snow would be shining white at the peaks, like a doorway to heaven...I was just a boy...that was before...before the time war, before the Daleks...”

The landscape shifted, briefly, to show war-ravaged plains, fires burning, the wrecks of dozens of shattered Dalek saucers gouged into the hillsides, the city in ruins...  He caught his breath and they felt the pain that shot through him and the weight of the impossible task that had faced him...how he had come to be the last of his kind, the only one who could activate the time lock to save the destruction of time itself...the cost – everything and everyone he had ever known and loved...

Their thoughts as one, Jack and Ianto reached out and wrapped themselves around the Doctor’s trembling mind, soothing the endless despair that sucked at the Timelord with the gravitational pull of a black hole. “If there’s anyone who could possibly comprehend the horrors”, they sent,” it’s us...we understand and you’re not alone now...”

A single tear ran down the Doctor’s bony face as he turned away from the battle-scarred vista and embraced the warmth of their minds, leaning into their reassuring presence. He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, dissolving the image and replacing it with one of a glittering dome that enclosed an elegant city of spires...

“The Citadel of the Timelords stood on the continent of Wild Endeavour, in the Mountains of Solace and Solitude...” he closed his eyes, remembering...”peace and tranquillity reigned; it was a time of wisdom and knowledge where harmony was born and we watched over the universe...keeping it safe...”

He smiled softly. “...welcome to my place!” They watched image after image tumble across the sky and their senses were flooded with gentle waves of serenity as the story of the Timelords played out in front of them... the Capitol, Mount Perdition, the Panopticon, the Eye of Harmony...the Academy, the Untempered Schism...all woven into timeless stories and precious memories...

Finally, they returned to the black velvet sky...the bonds of friendship and understanding stronger than ever...kindred spirits united...

 Back in reality, they sat in silence, allowing their minds to appreciate the wonder of everything they’d seen.  The world seemed bigger now...

The Doctor stood up and stretched. He felt reborn – as if a huge burden had been lifted from his narrow shoulders...

“Jack...” he said aloud, “...I’m sorry I said you were wrong...” he met the other man’s surprised gaze, “...and I’m sorry I ran away from you...left you behind...” He felt the wave of confusion from both men. “I realise now – I was wrong...”

Jack grinned and dragged the Timelord into a brief hug, “I’ll settle for ’impossible’- I can do impossible!” He smirked as Ianto’s mind pictured some rather imaginative positioning that most people would consider to be beyond the reach of the human body... “...yea, impossible fits rather well..!”

The Doctor’s mind shifted into top gear to block the images, joining in as they burst out laughing. ”...enough of the sex games!” he spluttered, rolling his eyes.

They shared an enjoyable lunch up in the roof garden, talking and laughing easily, sharing more stories of travels and Torchwood. Eventually the talk turned to more serious topics as they discussed the events of the previous day, Ianto admitting it had hit him harder than he thought, as Jack squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“...we’ve still got three more days...and I can always extend my stay if needed – the universe can get by without me for a bit longer!” the Doctor grinned, his eyes twinkling at them. “...but I’ve been thinking and maybe if you made a list of questions or events..? It might give Jack more control of what comes out of the abyss..? Might make it a little less...brutal?” He shrugged slightly, not entirely sure of either the suggestion or the word...

“Yan..?” Jack turned to the younger man, “I’ve said all along – we’ll go with whatever you want to do...it was pretty rough in there yesterday...”

“Yeah – it was, cariad...but we did it...we got through it and that must’ve been one of the worst memories you’ve got in there..?” his voice trailed off, not wanting to imagine there were any worse horrors swirling around in the dark space of Jack’s mind.

“...one of them...but there are plenty more...” Jack shuddered as his consciousness brushed against the abyss and he felt a wave of despair wash over him, which was quickly chased away by the warm touch of a gorgeous Welshman, who both smiled and frowned at the same time. Jack turned to face him, knowing that he’d have his hands on his hips – a classic Ianto ‘what am I going to do with you?’ pose!

He reached out and pulled the young man closer, wrapping his arms around him and nuzzled into his neck, feeling him melt into the embrace. He brushed his lips lightly against that sensual mouth, soft and responsive under his as they lost themselves in the kiss...

“C’mon – work to do!” the Doctor raised his eyebrows as the two men pulled apart and choked with laughter. “What did I say?”

“Nothing...nothing...really..!” Jack gasped, swapping favourite naked hide-and-seek and hot-house encounters with Ianto.

The Doctor groaned and lowered his shields minutely to confirm what he suspected...”is there nothing in the English language that doesn’t have a reference to your sex games..? The TARDIS is going to have a fit when she sees the state my mind’s in – especially as she’s been shut out – you know how much she likes you!” He sighed then grinned, shaking his head. “I’m gonna be in therapy for months..!”

Still chuckling, Ianto gathered up the plates and cups and followed Jack down the spiral staircase. He washed them swiftly whilst the coffee filtered, before pouring three mugs and joining Jack on the sofa. They sipped the steaming liquid appreciatively, settling themselves before slipping into the now comforting and familiar black velvet mind space, that sense of ancient and forever filling them with awe and wonder.

“So, where do you want to start today..?”

Jack slid his arms around Ianto’s waist and rested his head against his shoulder. He squeezed him gently...”I want to do Thames House...” Their physical bodies grabbed hands and held tight. “...can you bear it?” he moved a hand up to stroke through the Welshman’s hair, feeling him tense in his arms, before the sky was filled with the breath-taking beauty of the Ood home world and their song echoed through their heads – Ianto’s unspoken acceptance of his lover’s choice of memory.

He pressed a soft kiss to the young man’s forehead. “I’m sorry...” he whispered, lowering his shield to set the memory free...

The sky darkened, turning an oppressive grey, storm clouds gathering as Jack’s thoughts tumbled across the Doctor’s mind space, swirling, twisting as they took shape...

Jack strode resolutely ahead, coat billowing behind him, one pace back, Ianto followed, phone pressed to his ear as he implored Rhiannon to keep her children safe, repeating the plea to the men listening in on the call – it no longer mattered which side you were on – it was simply the world versus the 456...

Inside COBRA Lois Habiba had cleared the path for them...bursting through the door of Thames House, guns in hands lifted above their heads, “Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones – we’re Torchwood” slamming their weapons down in front of them.

The elevator rose swiftly, talking them up to Floor 13, glances exchanging, no need for words, determined, confident of success – they had right on their side – Captain Jack Harkness did not accept failure, would not consider it an option, it was time to stand up to this evil...

“...I’ve dealt with you before...and I’m here to see that you don’t get what you want...”  Beside him, steadfastly loyal, unquestioningly following his beloved Captain, Ianto Jones stood shoulder to shoulder...”you’re not getting a single solitary child...”

“hey..! I like the philosophy...”

“I gathered!”

That last easy exchange, just before the madness of realisation of the deadly virus, cut through them like a knife. Jack tightened his hold as the memory played on, relentless...

“You yielded in the past...” the voice of evil.

“If there's a virus, there must be an anti-virus. Release it now or I'll blow a hole in that tank, and we'll all die together...” Still resolute, immovable, loyal... beside his Captain, his love...

“You've made your point now stop this and we can talk!“

 

“You will die. Even now...”

 

“What's that noise? What's it doing? We gotta get you out of here. I can survive anything, but you can't..!” Jack’s mind screamed. His body shook violently and Ianto’s arms tightened around him, silent tears coursing down his cheeks at the waves of frantic despair cascading outwards from the man he adored.

 

“It's too late. I've breathed the air...” Realisation – cold, hard, brutal... I. Am.Going.To.Die...  

 

“There's gotta be something... there's gotta be an antidote...” Jack struggled in Ianto’s arms, fighting against him to break free...kicking, lashing out...blows drawing gasps of pain from the Welshman...

 

“You said you would fight... “

 

“And I take it back, alright? I take it all back, but not him..!” Jack cried out, heart-wrenching cries, raw agony ripping through his heart as Ianto fell to the floor...

 

Catching him...” No! No, no, no, no, no. Ianto? It's all my fault...” Jack sobbed against Ianto’s shoulder, each sob shaking his body like a rag doll...

 

“No it's not...” Ianto poured his love into Jack’s tortured thoughts...”not your fault, I followed you willingly...we always knew this might happen...I’d do it all again...”

 

“Don't speak, save your breath...” Tears poured down his cheeks. “Don’t die...don’t die...don’t leave me...” Jack’s mind begged, knowing it was hopeless, anguish and despair dragging him under...”

 

“I love you...” Jack howled, raw, primal, inhuman...his soul shattered into a thousand pieces...

 

“Don't...[don’t die...don’t leave me...please don’t die...I want to say I love you too...why can’t I? Don’t die...live and let me have time...time to tell you how much you mean to me...I do love you...]  Ianto? Ianto? Ianto, stay with me, Ianto, stay with me please... Stay with me, stay with me...”

 

“Hey, it was...Good, yeah?” Ianto’s hurt as his love declaration was not returned hit him like a body blow... the Welshman, always the better man, the ever-loyal, steadfast lover accepted now, at the end, that he would never hear those words from his Captain...and he was sorry...sorry for all those times they would never share...sorry he wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces when this madness was over...sorry they’d had so little time...sorry for all the cross words and misunderstandings...and he loved him with all his heart – for that he wasn’t sorry...

 

“Yeah...” [I do love you, Ianto...Don’t die...please...don’t leave me...]

 

“You'll forget me...” Ianto recalled the time Jack had been stuck in a trance after a phone call...hearing himself talking to Jack’s still form...”...let’s be honest Jack, I’m nothing more than a blip in time for you...” Sadness and sorrow...I wanted more time with you...

 

“Never could...” Jack’s body sagged in Ianto’s arms...[don’t die...don’t, please don’t...I do love you...if I tell you...could you stay...everyone I ever love dies...I can’t tell you...but I do love you...]

 

“In a thousand years time, you won't remember me...” I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU IANTO JONES, you have become part of me, a part I never knew I was missing until now when I’m losing you, you made me whole, just to rip me apart...and I don’t know what to do...it’s my fault...I brought you here...I should’ve made you stay with Gwen...you’d be alive...and I’d be able to tell you I loved you...]

 

“Yes I will Ianto... I promise, I will...”  Ianto..? Ianto..? Don't go, don't leave me, please... Please, don't...” Ianto froze as he watched himself die, Jack’s name on his lips...Jack shook uncontrollably as Ianto felt the blackness creeping up on them...he held on tighter, tear tracks white on his cheeks as his mind screamed in protest...just a little longer...

 

“You will die. And tomorrow your people will deliver the children...” Jack’s rage was terrifying, it consumed him like fire and he fought like a wild animal...[I will destroy you if it takes me all my lifetimes...he was my soulmate and I will avenge him...]

 

Jack looked at the creatures in the tank with hatred, feeling his life force seeping away... “Ianto, I love you, I’m so sorry...Ianto...” his last thoughts as he pressed his lips to the Welshman’s before slumping beside him...

 

Ianto’s mind was stretched beyond endurance and he had no sense of how or why, but the next moment they were flung bodily onto the grass under an endless sun, the perfect moment that was Nirvana...their eyes met briefly before both passed out and everything went black...

 

Chapter 13: http://zazajb.livejournal.com/5575.html