When words just won't come...

[zazajb]

Title: When words just won’t come...
Author: zazajb
Rating: NC-17, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, mentions of team
Spoilers – none that I’m aware of - set during TW S2
Summary: Jack struggles to find the words to express how he feels

Fic masterlist: http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to dabble with them from time to time

X-posted Jantolution & jackxianto

 

When words just won’t come

 

Jack lay in the dark listening to the quiet and steady breathing of the warm body in his arms. He snuggled closer and breathed in deeply, his nose buried in the Welshman’s hair. The scent that was uniquely Ianto assailed his senses and he felt a warm glow spread through his body, followed immediately by the icy grip of fear...this was too domestic, too attached...too dangerous...

He inhaled again, the comforting scent driving away the apprehension...he held him tighter and closed his eyes, losing himself in the sensations of skin to skin and the security he’d come to associate with this gorgeous young man.

He sighed gently...he didn’t do relationships...not any more – they hurt too much...the inevitable pain of death or separation serving to underline why he kept his emotions firmly locked away...no-one got in...no-one...until him...

Sleep chased away his conflict and he woke several hours later, blinking his eyes open to gaze into those sparkling blue pools...he smiled,

“...hey..!” Ianto leant in for a gentle kiss.

“...hey..! What time is it?”

“...about five...early...”

“...umn, too early to get up...” he cupped the young man’s face and tugged him closer, pressing their lips together, feeling his mouth open to let their tongues explore as the kiss deepened.

Ianto moaned softly, their bodies responding as desire coursed through them and he arched towards his Captain. Jack wound his arms around him and held him tightly as he kissed him into oblivion before making love to him, slowly...tenderly, leaving them completely and thoroughly warm and satisfied.

They lay tangled in each other’s arms, kissing lazily, relishing the afterglow and the feeling of contentment it brought.

Reluctantly, Jack sat up and slid out of bed. He gazed down at Ianto, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of his pale skin against the dark bedding, dishevelled hair, flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips...he was so beautiful...

Realisation hit him...hard..I never want to be without him...how did we get here..? I need him...he makes me complete...I love him... He trembled visibly, the colour draining from his face as fear washed over him from the tips of his toes up to the roots of his hair...I love him...

“Jack..?” Ianto’s face reflected his worry and he scrambled out of bed, drawing the older man to him, gathering him in his arms and stroking comforting circles on his back as he felt his body shivering... “...what’s wrong..? Is it yesterday? You bled out...that always takes a while to get over..?”

Jack’s mind flew back to the rogue weevil they’d run into...it had knocked Ianto into the side of the skip, smashing his head against a mass of abandoned pipework, momentarily stunning him before leaping on to Jack, catching him off balance and falling with him to the floor where it proceeded to rip a chunk of his throat out before Ianto had been able to stagger to his feet and plunge the needle into the back of its neck...

The Welshman had secured its hands and hooded it before coming back to cradle his Captain in his arms as he’d died and then waited for him to revive, soothing him as he took that first agonising breath as he was thrown back from the darkness...holding him close...making it better...bearable...I love him...

Jack nuzzled into Ianto’s neck, immersing himself in the feel of his arms around him...he clung on tightly...I love him...

“Ok, now you’re starting to worry me...what is it?”

Jack pulled back and stroked his fingers lightly over the bruise on the young man’s temple. “You could’ve been badly hurt...” he whispered hoarsely, you could’ve died, I can’t lose you...

“It’s what we do, Jack...it’s only a bump...” he shrugged... “I’m fine...”

Jack forced a smile and brushed his lips against the damaged skin. “You sure..?”

Ianto nodded and kissed him softly before sliding out of the embrace and pulling his trousers on, heading up the ladder and into the kitchen where he began sorting out beans for the first coffee of the day...he loved this quiet time with Jack – just the two of them in the hub at the start of the day...

He stood lost in daydreams...jumping when warm arms wrapped themselves around his waist from behind and Jack’s chin rested on his shoulder...

“I missed you..!” he mumbled into his neck.

Ianto grinned and turned round to face him, sliding his arms around his neck and capturing his lips in a tender kiss and they lost themselves in the moment... They came up for air, Jack brushing his thumbs gently over his Welshman’s cheeks. He looked deep into the young man’s eyes, drowning in the love that blazed out of them...he could say it...he could...Ianto...I love you...there, simple..! He opened his mouth...but nothing came out...

Ianto raised an eyebrow... Jack closed his mouth and buried his face in Ianto’s neck...”...it’s...nice...having you here...with me...” he managed, lamely as the young man wriggled out of his embrace and poured the coffee, handing a steaming mug to his Captain.

“...mmnn, perfect...” just like the rest of you...I love you...

“Ok, I need to get showered and dressed before the others arrive...can’t be wandering around half-naked...”

“No complaints from me!” Jack leered at him, back on familiar territory now, confidence returning, “I love...” he spluttered over the word, turning it into a cough, “...to see you half – and completely – naked...as often as possible!”

“I can’t see Tosh seeing it quite the same way, can you...or Owen..!” he headed back towards Jack’s office. “You coming..?”

Jack hurried after him, clutching his coffee, sliding down the ladder and was soon pressed up against him in the shower, ensuring that the bubbles got into all the right places... They dried each other carefully, tenderly... Jack trailed his fingers lightly over his Welshman’s smooth skin, following the course of his hands with his mouth...feather-light kisses that spoke volumes...

Ianto threw his head back and lost himself in the delicious sensations that chased up and down his body, soft moans escaping his lips...

Jack paused, drinking in the wanton sight of his young lover...I love it when he comes undone...my touch, my mouth...he’s mine...all mine...I...

Ianto whimpered, the sudden loss of Jack’s hands and mouth leaving his body craving for more... “Jack...please...” sighing happily as his lips were claimed and a tongue mapped his mouth possessively... He surrendered to his Captain, every touch like fire on his heated skin as he soared amongst the stars...

Jack poured his love into every kiss, worshipping the young man’s body, I love you...I love you...until they flew together and collapsed in a heap, panting hard.

After another shower they dressed and began the work of the day...Jack tackled some of his backlog of paperwork, Ianto prepared the coffee for the team and headed off to the archives...feeling Jack’s eyes following him as he disappeared down the stairs...

Jack tried to concentrate on his files...really he did, but the battle in his head between fear and wonder refused to go away. Giving in to the inevitable, he tapped into the CCTV, watching as Ianto efficiently filed the next batch of post-war reports, noting he’d removed his jacket and the criminally sexy way he’d rolled up his shirt sleeves...

After forty minutes he could stand it no longer...I’m going to tell him! He shoved his chair back and strode down to the archives...

Ianto jumped as the whirlwind that was Jack burst into the archives and grabbed him, kissing him passionately. He resisted for a fraction of a second before melting into the embrace and kissing back with equal passion. Long enjoyable minutes passed before they broke apart, gasping.

“Ianto..! I...I...er...” fuck! Just say it...I. love.you...

“Sir..?” This was unusual behaviour, even for Jack...not that he was complaining!

Jack growled, cupping his face and claiming his lips once more.

“I was watching you...” he blurted out when they came up for air.

The eyebrow arched. “...not much of a show...filing’s not the most exciting of things to watch!”

“Ianto..! I..I...” he nuzzled the Welshman’s neck and hair...”I’d love...another coffee..!” fuck Jack..!

“Of course, sir...give me a few minutes to finish 1947...”

“1947? That was a good year!” as memories of a previous, rather frantic encounter, rattled through his somewhat jumbled brain.

Ianto grinned, the same memory sliding through his thoughts. “Yeah, a very good year!” he leant into the embrace. “Sir...you have to let me go now...so I can finish...”

“Oh! Yeah...right!” Releasing him, he pressed a final kiss to his lips before turning and vanishing back up to the main work space.

A few minutes later, filing completed, he was back in the kitchen, preparing the coffee. Loading the tray with mugs and plates of the sticky Danish that Gwen’d brought in, he made his rounds, bringing delighted smiles from his colleagues who were all battling their own mountains of paper...

His final stop took him to Jack’s office where his Captain was pretending to work – it might have been more convincing if the file he was supposed to be working on hadn’t been upside down! He placed Jack’s favoured blue and white striped mug on the ‘I YWales’ coaster followed by the plate before turning away...

“Stay..? please...” Jack’s voice was barely a whisper.

Landing his own mug on a matching coaster, Ianto leant the tray against the door and turned back, heading for the chair to find himself tugged onto Jack’s lap instead.

“...missed you...” he mumbled into Ianto’s shoulder, before pressing soft kisses down the side of his neck.

Turning his head, Ianto met the older man’s lips and they sank into sweet and endless kisses, Ianto’s arms sliding round his Captain’s neck as he gave himself to the moment... Jack was always tactile, but today was different...the thought was brushed aside as he lost himself in the feel of Jack’s mouth and the warmth of his embrace...

They sprang apart as the rift alarm blared out and the team swung into motion... The rest of the day flew past in a blur of frantic activity as one alarm after another sent them scurrying all over Cardiff finally crawling wearily under the shower to wash off the glutinous jelly that was the remains of an exploded Greknoid larvae a little after ten that evening.

Emerging from the warmth of the water, Ianto returned to Jack’s bunker to find him staring wistfully at his ruined suit. “I’ll get you a new one...” he tugged the young man into his arms. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all day...” he mumbled into his hair as the fresh scent of lime and ginger shampoo flooded his senses.

Ianto tipped Jack’s face up, gazing into his eyes so he could see the depth of emotion that radiated from the twin pools of blue. He pressed a finger to his lips... “...sshh, cariad...I know...” he kissed him lightly, “...I know...” tiredness forgotten as he proceeded to show him...completely and enjoyably until they lay trembling in each other’s arms.

Ianto’s breathing was slow, rhythmic, indicating sleep when he heard Jack’s whispered, I love you... and he smiled, the corners of his mouth turning up as he drifted into contented sleep.

End