Hidden depths

[zazajb]

Title: Hidden depths
Author: zazajb
Rating: R, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Tosh, mention of Owen & Gwen
Spoilers – Cyberwoman s1- via memory, fic set mid S2
Summary: Jack is thinking about the many faces of his gorgeous Welshman.  Words: 2550

Fic masterlist: http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to dabble with them from time to time

X-posted Jantolution , jackxianto & TW_classic, tw_proper, jantosparkle [apologies to those getting this multiple times]

A/N Iantosdreamer46 & I were missing the redisourcolour challenges so we challenged each other: This week’s theme – You can’t judge a book by its cover, her words for me: ghost, candle, score ‘Look it’s me, please let me in’

A/N1 this is for wise_n_witty  and crimsonkildare  – wishing you both a speedy recovery *gentle hugs* xxx

 

Hidden depths

Jack’s eyes followed the pristine blue pinstripe-clad backside as it disappeared silently out of the door, leaving him with a steaming mug of his favourite blend, a large slab of his favourite chocolate brownie and a longing in his nether regions that made him squirm uncomfortably in his chair... If he sniffed the air he could just make out the faint scent of ginger and lime shampoo that lingered as the Welshman vanished from sight... He was an enigma – a gorgeous, sexy, blue eyed, coffee-making dream of an enigma – but still a mystery nonetheless...

He did his job quietly and efficiently, moving around the hub like a ghost, fading into the background so he was invisible...and if he was honest with himself, Jack knew that it was ultimately his fault that Ianto had been able to hide his secret from them for so long...his fault that innocent blood had been shed and now he would have to deal with it...and try to explain his decisions to the team... He grimaced, knowing it wouldn’t go down well... He closed his eyes and thought back over the past few days...

The air cleared briefly before it was filled with flashes of a fully mobile part-converted Lisa beside a dead scientist, the emergency lighting of the Hub in lockdown and Ianto was flung across the room to land crumpled on the floor. Jack was taunting her, taking tremendous static shocks that killed him time after time, only to revive after each one to bait her once more – buying the rest of his team time to get away.

 

Jack crawled across to Ianto, slapping him in a vain attempt to rouse him before realising it was too late. .. “Nooooo, Ianto...” he felt again the burning grief that shot through him, reliving the moment as he pressed his lips to the young man’s to give him a life-force laden kiss, overwhelming sadness and rage sharing centre stage in his head as he brought him back to life.

 

The memory jumped ahead to the scene of a bloodbath deep in the lower levels – Lisa lay dead alongside the body of another young woman, Ianto was on his knees, sobbing...the air was ice cold and the team stood with guns drawn... The picture changed again, like a kaleidoscope, reforming in the main area of the Hub...Jack stood resolute while Gwen and Owen vented their fury on him and Tosh sobbed...”...he tried to fucking kill us..!” “...you can’t let him go – retcon the bastard and dump him in the bay...”

 

“No! He’s suspended while I decide what to do...” Gwen and Owen continued to out-shout each other until Jack bellowed at them to “SHUT UP! Get your gear and go home...I mean it...go home, get some rest...back here midday...” Nobody spoke while they packed up and left, the roller door closing behind them. Weariness flooding off him, Jack went into his office and sat down next to the blood smeared, trembling young man and pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly as he cried...

 

The images shifted, taking shape in Ianto’s bare and sterile flat, a single candle flickered on the table next to a picture of a dark-skinned beautiful young woman – Lisa. The Welshman sat limply on the sofa as Jack towered over him, suppressed anger at Ianto’s betrayal all the more poignant as he spoke in barely a whisper,

 

“You know the score - they think I should retcon you and dump you somewhere, preferably after letting Owen give you a beating so it looks like a mugging...”

 

“No worse than I expected...” Ianto shrugged, his eyes fixed on his bare feet, “unless you want to kill me...” his face was white and drawn and his eyes sunken and red-rimmed.

 

“I don’t know what I want! I thought we had something, or a chance of something, but it was all for show – you just wanted me distracted, no matter what it took – you played me, Ianto – played me for a fool...”

 

Ianto shrugged again, “so do it...death...retcon...doesn’t matter anymore...I’m dead already...”

 

Jack knelt down in front of him, forcing his knees apart to push into the space between them, then tipped his chin up to look the young man in the eye.

 

“...tell me that’s what you really want...and I’ll do it...you’ll never have known us...me...is that what you want..?”

 

“...no...” Ianto whimpered, “I couldn’t bear not knowing you...”

 

Jack slid his arms around him and pressed his lips softly to the younger man’s, feeling him trembling in the embrace before they both gave in to the passion and crushed their mouths together, tongues duelling fiercely, hands raking urgently through hair and over each other’s bodies...

 

Panting hard, they broke apart. “what do you feel..?” growled Jack, his breath hot on Ianto’s ear...

 

“...alive...I feel...alive...” he shivered violently, “...but...”

 

Jack’s mouth on his silenced the guilt and doubt they both knew would have ended that sentence, the kiss both hungry and reassuring as they each lost themselves in the other. Pulling away, Jack rested his forehead against the Welshman’s, closing his eyes as he steeled himself for what had to come next...

 

“You betrayed me, Ianto, and I don’t know how long it will be before I can trust you again...” his voice was low, controlled, with an undertone of menace, completely at odds with the gentle stroking of the young man’s hair. “...Lisa died at Canary Wharf, what we killed was not the woman you loved but because of you, two more people are dead...you have to live with that...and you put the team in terrible danger...they could have died too...that’s something else you have to live with and so will they... It’s going to be a rough ride – they hate you right now...” he paused and his tone softened, “...but no more than you hate yourself...”

 

He wrapped Ianto into his arms and the young man broke down, wild sobs shaking his body. Jack held him until his sobs had subsided and he’d stopped trembling, although he still clung tightly to the older man. Gently extracting himself from the Welshman’s hold, Jack hauled himself to his feet.

 

“Make sure you eat something. I’ll be back later...”  Without a backward glance, he left the flat and strode away...

 

Ianto glanced into the fridge, grimaced and closed the door again. He poured himself a glass of water and sipped it carefully before moving back to the sofa. He sat down and stared at the photo, tears filling his eyes. He blinked them away forcefully and stood up, blowing the candle out and laying the photo face down on the table, “...I’m sorry...” he whispered, “so sorry...goodbye Lisa...”

 

He turned and went into the bedroom, flinging himself down onto the bed, his sobs shaking his body until he fell into a fitful sleep, his dreams filled with tortuous scenes of metal men, whirring knives and terrified screams...

 

He woke with a jump to a knocking on his front door, a knocking that grew more urgent as he dragged his reluctant body off the bed and headed towards the door, “Ianto...look it’s me, Tosh...please let me in... Ianto..?”

 

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, Tosh’s anxious face melting into an expression of relief as she saw him still in one piece... He grimaced ruefully, reading her correctly as he stood aside to let her in.

 

Tosh preceded him into the kitchen and dumped her carrier bags on the worktop. “Jack said you needed groceries...I got the basics and some stuff I know you like...you need to eat...” she said sharply as he shrugged. “Why don’t I make us some tea and a sandwich...” she began pulling things out of the bags without waiting for an answer.

 

Ianto watched her, uncertain of what to do. Tosh threw him a casual glance, taking in the pale face, dark shadows and red-rimmed eyes. She stepped towards him and laid a gentle hand on his arm. “You go and take a shower and I’ll sort out things here...” She gave him a tiny smile and a nudge towards his bathroom.

 

Ianto did as he was told...it didn’t occur to him to disobey and it was a relief to have someone else make the decisions. He closed the door, nodding automatically in response to Tosh’s question about clean towels...

 

As soon as she was sure Ianto was in the shower, Tosh set about efficiently rigging the kitchen, lounge and bedroom with the latest tiny CCTV... Jack had explained to a reluctant Tosh that he wasn’t spying on the young Welshman, rather more concerned with keeping him safe and making sure he didn’t do any harm to himself as he grieved for his lost Lisa and, quite probably, really faced up to the events of Canary Wharf for the first time... “I don’t want to lose him...not like this...” he’d said quietly, leaving her wondering...

 

Once it was all set up, she sent a swift text to Jack and busied herself making the tea. She was looking at the picture on the table when Ianto reappeared, jeans now replacing the grubby jogging bottoms and a polo shirt in place of the faded t-shirt. He was towelling his hair as she turned guiltily towards him, replacing the photo where she’d found it. She held out a mug towards him, smiling softly as he eyed it suspiciously, “...it’s just tea...no retcon, I promise! She took a sip of her own and offered it to him, “...swap if you like..?”

 

A hint of a smile flickered across his face and he sank onto the sofa, taking a deliberately large mouthful of the hot sweet tea. Tosh sat in the armchair and watched him. He looked so young and vulnerable, she thought, quashing the urge to hug him tightly and tell him everything would be ok... She reached out and took a sandwich off the plate, “...cheese and pickle” she said in response to his unasked question.

 

Ianto took one too, taking a tentative bite, chewing slowly and swallowing, before deciding that he was hungry and devouring three more in rapid succession. Tosh leant back, nodding to herself, Jack had been right on every count so far... “Ianto..?”

 

The Welshman tensed and shrank back on the sofa. “You and Jack...” she let the statement hang in the air for a moment before continuing... “...you never...um...”

 

“We never shagged, if that’s what you’re asking!” the young man stated bluntly, well aware of the numerous CCTV recordings the tech genius had of their various snogs and occasional blowjob...

 

Tosh blushed and dropped her gaze to her mug, “no...that wasn’t what I meant!” she said swiftly, “I meant...well, was it just a way of keeping Jack distracted...while you...sorry...I was just wondering...only...”

 

Ianto sighed heavily, “if I’m honest...yeah, in the beginning it was...I could see he was interested and it meant I could keep a watch on where he was, y’know...but...” he broke off and looked at her searchingly, wondering how much to say... He liked Tosh, she’d been the only one really, who’d acknowledged him as a person.... “Too soon it became something else...I liked kissing him, being with him...and I hated myself for it...I kept telling myself it was for Lisa...but it wasn’t – it was for me and I hate that I’ve let him down...but I still want him...and I hate myself for that as well.”

 

He stared at his now empty mug, his voice dropping to a whisper so she had to lean forward to hear him, “I really wanted to...you know...sleep with him...but I just couldn’t betray him like that...I really like him Tosh...and now he hates me...everyone hates me...” his eyes filled with fresh tears, “I hate me...” He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, biting down hard on his bottom lip in an attempt to stop the tears falling...

 

Tosh blinked back her own tears before reaching out a hand towards the now trembling young man. “We don’t hate you...we hate what you did – there is a difference...and Jack...if he didn’t think you were worth saving, we wouldn’t be here now...” She moved across to wrap him into a hug, stroking his hair gently, feeling him lean against her, before releasing him quickly and standing. “I’d better get back now...Jack said he’d be back later sometime this evening and you’re to stay indoors...ok?”

 

Ianto nodded, watching as she gathered up the mugs and plates and took them back into the kitchen, before slipping into her coat and heading for the door. “Tosh..?”

 

“Ianto..?”

 

“Thank you...for...everything...” he gave her a tiny smile as she nodded and left, clicking the door behind her.

 

In his office, Jack had watched, his eyes full of unshed tears. He’d known there was something about this young man...now he was sure...hidden depths... They’d be fine...his team...his Ianto...

 

 “J-a-c-k!” Ianto’s whimper roused him from his stroll down memory lane and he grinned up at the naked Welshman, his hands tied to the headboard with two of his own silk ties, his body arching off the bed, desperate for the return of Jack’s warm mouth to his heated skin...

 

Jack scrambled back up the bed and crushed his lips to Ianto’s, driving his tongue into the young man’s mouth where it duelled wildly with own, their moans lost against each other’s flesh as they writhed together and passions mounted...

 

They came up for air, panting hard, “thought I’d lost you for a while there...” Ianto gasped, tilting his head to allow his Captain more access to his neck, shuddering with desire as Jack grazed his teeth down the sensitive skin, sucking down hard where neck met shoulder to draw a hiss of combined pain and pleasure from between pink, kiss swollen lips...

 

“Just remembering...you...me...times past...how we got to here...” Jack paused, gazing lovingly into his Welshman’s eyes, before kissing him slow and deep as his hands danced down to tease his tender flesh...

 

“...too much thinking..! You dropped your pen, I bent over to pick it up...we fell through the bedroom door...we ended up here...” Ianto’s eyes sparkled with love, lust and desire in equal measure, “now, you gonna finish what you started..?” he thrust his body towards Jack’s, every nerve ending tingling with electricity...”now Jack...need you now...”

 

“Yessir!” Jack grinned as he reached for the lube and flipped it open... Oh, his Welshman had lots of hidden depths and he was going to enjoy exploring every single one of them..!

 

End