To make you feel my love

Title: To make you feel my love...
Author: zazajb
Rating: R, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto
Spoilers : s1 & 2
Summary: Ianto thinks about their relationship... Words 1800

Warnings: mentions of canon character death

Fic masterlist: http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, anything you recognise is owned by RTD &BBC – I just get to dabble with them from time to time. I don’t own the song or singer either!
A/N Inspired by the gorgeous song of the same name, sung here by Adele

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzmTFBPMhk8

X-posted Jantolution , jackxianto & TW_classic , tw_proper [apologies to those getting this multiple times]

AN: This is for Lilferret  Hope it’s what you wanted, hon

 

To make you feel my love...

Ianto paused, remembering...

Two steaming mugs of his Captain’s favourite blend and plates of chewy chocolate brownie balanced on his tray, Ianto made his way from the kitchen to Jack’s office, nudging the door open with his hip, glancing around, surprised to find it empty... Last time he’d looked, Jack had been trawling wearily through the mountain of files in his ‘IN’ tray, which was why Ianto had hastened to brew some coffee to top up the older man’s caffeine levels – when Jack was actually doing his paperwork, a rarity in itself! - he needed frequent encouragement to continue!

“Jack...sir..?” he called down into the open hole in the floor. No reply. Turning to leave, he noted the empty coat stand and comprehension replaced the puzzled look on his face. He dumped the tray on top of the open file on the desk and hurried out of the roller door.

A few minutes later he was stepping out on to the roof of the Millenium Centre, that familiar back view in its usual place as his Captain gazed out over the city. Ianto shivered in the light drizzle, wishing he’d grabbed his jacket on the way out. A heavy sigh floated back on the breeze. Ianto squinted anxiously in the dark, but the silhouette hadn’t moved when the rain is blowin’ in your face....

It had only been a week since Jasmine and the faeries and the rest of the team were still furious at the tragic – and in their opinion, part unnecessary, outcome. Tomorrow...today he corrected himself wryly, 3:00am was well into the new day...was the funeral of Jasmine’s stepdad. Jack would go and watch from a distance, the heavy weight of knowing his actions had destroyed a woman’s life, on his shoulders...the actions he knew were unavoidable despite the team’s refusal to believe that Jasmine’s fate had been sealed the instant she’d become a chosen one...

Ianto watched as the team vented their fury in the days immediately after...”she was an innocent child, Jack...and you just gave her up”...and the whole world is on your case...their outbursts eventually commuting to tight-lipped politeness and a distinctly chilly atmosphere that matched the downturn in the weather. He’d taken to staying later after the others had gone home, providing coffee and sweet treats, wanting so much more...I could offer you a warm embrace...as his heart quietly broke to see his Captain retreating into himself...closing the door they’d opened after Lisa, the tentative reaching out that had begun, now withdrawn...

From his draughty position in the shadows he caught his breath as Jack took a step closer to the edge. “Don’t Jack...please!” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself, his plan to simply observe and pick up the pieces as required, now blown to pieces.

“Ianto? What the hell are you doing here?” Jack moved away from the precipice and strode towards him, frowning.

“I...shit! I didn’t want you jumping off like...” his voice faltered as he remembered Jack didn’t know he’d seen him go off the edge two days previously.

The frown intensified as Jack processed his words, suddenly melting away to show a glimmer of the Captain he’d fallen so head over heels for and Jack’s huge grin lit up the night sky. “Oh, Ianto...why didn’t you say? That wasn’t me jumping – that was a severe miscalculation in how far I could reach over without losing my balance!” The grin faded a little as he watched the Welshman shivering in his shirtsleeves. “Here...” he reached out to tug him in, wrapping his coat around them both, “you’ll catch your death out here, which would be quite ironic as you’re watching to make sure I don’t catch mine!”

Ianto pressed himself closer, soaking up the welcome heat of Jack’s body combined with heavy 1940’s wool, a tiny smile curving his lips as a soft kiss was planted on his forehead before Jack continued “there’s one of those labels caught on the stone – you know, the ones people put on balloons and then let them go to see how far they’ll travel? It’s just out of reach...” He paused and bent his head, his hot breath on Ianto’s ear sending shivers down the Welshman’s spine, “thank you...for caring...” a tight squeeze of a hug and another gentle kiss, this time on his own chilled lips, and Jack was ushering them off the roof, back to the relative warmth of the hub.

Once the invisible lift had deposited them in the main workspace, Jack laced their fingers together and led them to his office, ignoring the now cold coffee, climbing down the ladder where he stripped them both down to their underwear and wrapped Ianto back into his arms in his tiny bunk. “Sshh...now sleep...” Jack’s lips, warm and tender, pressed briefly on the back of his neck as the Welshman yawned sleepily and sank into the embrace...to make you feel my love...

 The memory faded, to be replaced with another rooftop, another time...under a clear moonlit sky...when the evening shadows and the stars appear... A month had passed since the devastating explosions had rocked Cardiff, the grief that followed the loss of Tosh and Owen still a raw and open wound. Night after night Jack had slid from their bed once he thought Ianto was asleep, making his way to that all too familiar spot on the roof...and there is no-one there to dry your tears...the immortal man attempting to reconcile the pain of losing yet more people he’d loved with the huge decision facing him...

The prospect of watching his beloved Welshman die scared him to his very core, nights of tender loving where they’d whisper promises of eternal togetherness in the heat of passion...I could hold you for a million years...to make you feel my love... Later, in the cold light of day, Jack watched the young man so hard it ached...wanted him so much it burned...turmoil raging in his thoughts...could he let himself love again...love this extraordinary young man who gave so freely of himself and asked for nothing in return... knowing it was too late - he was lost already, Ianto was settled firmly in his heart...

Each evening Ianto would soothe his fears away and they would lose themselves in searing kisses and the feel of hot skin against skin as blissful release took them to the cosmos for delicious moments of oblivion until they held each other, tears streaming silently down their faces and the cycle began anew.  

Today had been particularly trying; weevils, space junk and a new rift refugee all adding to the strain of getting through each day and Jack had finally succumbed to sleep, wrapped tightly in Ianto’s arms...

Gazing down at the man he loved with every fibre of his being, Ianto stroked his fingers gently through Jack’s hair, praying, as he did every night, for at least one more day... “I’ll be with you as long as I can...’till I’m old and grey if I get my way!” he whispered into the darkness, “I know you haven’t made your mind up yet...I know you’ve lost so many people you’ve loved and I’m just a blip in time for you...” He bit his lip, fighting back the emotions as tears filled his eyes, “but I will never do you wrong...”

His hand stilled as Jack shifted in his sleep, moving closer. His thoughts flew back to that first weevil in the woods...I’ve known it from the moment that we met...leaning down to press a tender kiss to Jack’s temple, “...no doubt in my mind where you belong...” his arms tightened almost convulsively, “here...in my arms for as long I survive...”

A rolling stream of near disasters hurtled through his head, a mad, mad day with one rift alert after another running them from one side of the city to the other, until pale and weak, he’d collapsed in his Captain’s arms...I’d go hungry...then that time where an enormous weevil had caught him by surprise as he was sedating its mate, sending him tumbling down the stone stairwell, landing dazed and battered in a heap with the creature on top of him, just a fraction of a second between him and death before Jack had put a bullet in the back of its head...I’d go black and blue... Jack had cried that night...

Days later a derelict warehouse explosion had sent him flying twenty feet in the air and he’d struggled on hands and knees, his ears ringing, to Jack’s crumpled, and very dead, body...I’d go crawling down the avenue...knowing he had to be there when Jack revived...to make you feel my love...

Caresses had taken on new meaning, kisses were fiercer, hands held tighter as Ianto’s fragile mortality weighed heavy on their minds...the storms are raging on the rolling sea...both determined to make the most of every moment they had with each other, rueing the wasted time of months passed...and on the highway of regret... Nights were spent entwined in the throes of passion, sharing the bliss of exquisite release that brought them closer than ever, loving with wild abandon...each moment treasured and committed to memory...though winds of change are blowing wild and free...as Jack’s kisses burned his skin and they flew higher...you ain’t seen nothin’ like me yet!

They knew it could never last – what they did was too dangerous... In quiet moments Ianto allowed himself to dream...I could make you happy, make your dreams come true...wondering what it would be like to live a life with Jack away from Torchwood... knowing that whatever the dangers, whatever the risks...nothing that I wouldn’t do... he belonged by Jack’s side until the day he died...go to the ends of the earth for you...to make you feel my love...

Jack’s thumb brushing his palm halted his momentary trip down memory lane. He gazed into Jack’s eyes, love blazing from those blue grey pools and smiled, “through the good times and the bad...” he repeated, “and I promise to treasure every day we have together, as long as I live...I am yours...”

His heart skipped a beat as Jack slid the ring on to his finger, matching the one he’d placed on Jack’s finger minutes earlier... He leant forward to kiss his Captain tenderly as the registrar declared them civil partners...to make you feel my love...

End