Hidden Away...

Title: Hidden away
Author: zazajb
Rating: R, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto
Spoilers : Set in the days after KKBB
Summary: Jack and Ianto’s thoughts after Jack’s return... Words 2150

Warnings: angst, mentions of character death

Fic masterlist: http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, anything you recognise is owned by RTD &BBC – I just get to dabble with them from time to time. I don’t own the song or JG either!
A/N Inspired by the gorgeous song of the same name, sung by the awesome Josh Groban http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcu24OKZNIo

X-posted Jantolution , jackxianto & TW_classic , tw_proper [apologies to those getting this multiple times]

AN: Dedicated to my wonderful friends – with sincere thanks for all the birthday wishes, dedicated fic, cards, PMs, virtual gifts, e-cards and tweets – love you all...and this story is for you... xxx

 

Hidden away

Ianto stared out into the dark, silent tears trickling down his cheeks as he gazed at the motionless silhouette of his Captain on the edge of the roof, the only movement from the billowing of his coat in the stiff breeze...

Jack had been back a week, sliding straight back into leader-mode and aside from the whole “I came back for you...” and the hesitant and endearingly uncertain request for a date, they’d been as far apart as they’d been when Jack was away...wherever he’d been...

Those three months had been hell - time had ground to a halt, the world existed only in shades of grey...all things bright and vibrant extinguished with the vanishing of the police box on that awful day...That day when he’d gone from broken to euphoric...and back to broken within the space of a few short hours... His fragile heart had been shattered into a million pieces as he’d watched Jack, radiating that jaw-droppingly beautiful grin of his, disappear from reality – taking all of Ianto’s freshly kiss-awakened hopes and dreams with him...come back to me Jack...please... He’d whispered those words into the darkness every night...to no avail...

Now Jack was back...and further away than ever before, his smile no longer reached his eyes and so many times he’d opened his mouth to say something but when no words had appeared he’d visibly trembled, grabbed his coat and disappeared out of the roller door, not returning for hours. Tonight Ianto had decided to follow him after fruitless nights waiting for him to return in the hope that they’d be able to say more than three words to each other...

He’d not been surprised to see Jack heading for his favourite rooftop but was unprepared for the sound of muffled sobs floating back. He knew Jack was hurting, they both were, but this was heartbreaking....

He’d imagined their reunion so many times, so many lonely nights curled up in Jack’s bunker...so many different ways, but this scenario had never occurred to him – granted, most of them had involved lots of kissing and satisfying sex...however, this broken and unreachable Jack was a far cry from any romantic notions he’d had of his Captain stood under an azure alien sky, arms spread wide as he grinned broadly and enjoyed adventure after adventure before coming home triumphant to share his stories...over mountains and sky blue seas...on great circles will you watch for me...

He’d had high hopes when Jack had met his gaze, his “I came back for you...” sending the butterflies that had invaded his stomach into raptures...the sweetest feeling I’ve got inside...I just can’t wait to get lost in your eyes... the angry glares from the others dragging a hastily amended “all of you...” and the butterflies had crash landed, leaving a bitter taste as hurt forced him to look away.

Fresh tears burnt a trail down the Welshman’s face as Jack’s shoulders shook and he caught the faint anguished whisper of his own name...and all these words that you meant to say...

Every day since, they’d watched each other, neither daring to make the first move for fear of rejection, the anguish carefully concealed behind Jack’s classic 1940’s attire and Ianto’s pristine wool-blend pinstripes, purple Swiss cotton shirts and red silk ties; exquisite coffee and murmured Sir’s...held in silence day after day...as each broke a little more...

Ianto had stayed later and later at the hub after the others had gone home, hoping...talk to me Jack...hopes rising when Jack’s trembling hand had reached out, only to be withdrawn as the Captain had failed yet again to produce any sound from his open mouth and had run away once more...words of kindness that our poor hearts crave...

Ianto had been left alone again, tears filling his eyes as he gazed at the space where Jack had been moments earlier...please don’t keep them hidden away...

A strangled sob escaped and he ducked back into the shadows as Jack froze before turning... “Ianto..?” his voice shook... “Ianto..? please...”  

Steeling himself, Ianto stepped out into the open, his breath catching in his throat as Jack’s tear stained face took on a look that was both heart wrenchingly fragile yet hungry and hopeful at the same time.

“Jack...I...I...” he faltered, not knowing where to begin or even if he had the words to say what he felt...sing it out – so I can finally breathe in...I can take in all you say... He bit down on his bottom lip...time to risk all the strength he had left...and opened his arms...

Moments later he had an armful of sobbing Captain as Jack’s lips crashed onto his and he found himself drowning in the achingly familiar intoxicating scent that was Jack as their tongues reacquainted themselves with the taste of the other before roaming freely to map every contour of each other’s mouths, the kiss hot and messy now as hands tugged bodies closer and they lost themselves to frantic desire.

They broke apart reluctantly, only when oxygen replenishment became essential for the continuance of life, arms wrapped possessively around each other as they panted heavily, lips just millimetres apart... Ianto let out a shaky breath and a tentative chuckle as Jack’s arms tightened around him and he felt his lips hot against his ear, “stay...”

Ianto moved a hand to caress the older man’s cheek gently, brushing the still damp tear tracks away with his thumb, “now I’ve got you, Jack, I’m not going anywhere...” holding out for something I believe in...as he claimed his Captain’s mouth once more...all I really need today...this kiss soft and tender as he revelled in the feel of Jack’s lips under his own and the heavy warmth of their bodies pressed close, ardent arousal evident and sending hot sparks of flame through them as they squirmed and ground hips together in an attempt to gain some friction from the woefully inadequate confines of their trousers...

This time when they came up for air, Jack took Ianto’s hand and led him wordlessly away from the roof, back to the hub and down the ladder. Their eyes met as they faced each other, Ianto’s clear blue depths blazing with a love that brought fresh tears to Jack’s own blue grey pools...I want to free your heart...

Trembling hands reached for each other’s clothes, removing each layer carefully until they stood naked. This time Jack opened his arms and Ianto fell into them, moaning into his Captain’s mouth as their lips met and he was kissed senseless, his hands tangling one into Jack’s hair and the other pressing into the small of his back to keep him close...

They staggered backwards until their legs hit the edge of Jack’s tiny bunk and they tumbled onto it... Ianto tore his mouth from Jack’s to attack his neck, sucking at the soft skin behind his ear, Jack’s low moan and the shudder that rattled through him bringing the Welshman to an abrupt halt, “Jack..? You want me to stop..?”

He looked up to see fresh tears gleaming as Jack shook his head, the look pleading... “Wherever you went, it was bad...you were hurt...” It wasn’t a question but Jack’s tiny whispered “yes...” and the haunted look in his eyes broke Ianto’s heart that tiny bit more and he reached down to entwine their hands, “I’m here cariad, and I’ll stop any time...just say...talk to me, Jack...I want to see your heart...please don’t keep your heart hidden away...

Jack’s eyes closed as Ianto’s lips continued down his neck and across his throat, lapping lightly in the hollow at the base before moving back up the other side to claim his lips in a searing kiss as Jack arched against him...

Jack trembled and quivered, aching with desire and when Ianto finally made love to him, he felt complete again...wave upon wave of pure bliss that rolled through his body as sensation after sensation swept him away to float amongst the stars and the tortures of the past year receded... Captivated by Ianto’s delicious kisses they slipped into sated sleep, limbs wrapped around each other, pressed close together in the limited space as Ianto kept him safe...

Jack awoke with a jump as the Master’s footsteps sounded outside in the corridor and he suppressed a whimper as he blinked in the darkness and breathed in the reassuring scent of the Welshman who lay warm in his arms, allowing the familiar aroma to ground and calm him from his nightmare.

Carefully he propped himself up on his elbow to gaze down at the man who’d kept him fighting that long year...you’re a wonder...how bright you shine...the man he’d come back for but hadn’t told, terrified that he’d scare the young man away...terrified that admitting how he felt left him vulnerable – he hadn’t let anyone into his heart for so very long now...his protection from the inevitable pain when they died and left him alone once again...a flickered candle in a short lifetime...

But he loved him, he knew that now... Jack’s hand trembled as he ran his fingers softly across Ianto’s shoulder, following the lines of his body down the side of his toned downy hair-covered chest to his waist and the gentle curve of his hip, stilling his hand as the Welshman shifted minutely, leaning into the touch…secret dreamer that never shows…

He’d watched the young man closely these past days and he’d seen the hurt that he’d concealed behind that perfect exterior, knowing that he was the cause of that pain...if no-one sees you then nobody knows... Ianto had kept him alive – his soul alive - every time the Master had sent his body into the darkness, Ianto had been a beacon of pure light, of hope and love...something to cling on to and he needed to tell him...and all these words you were meant to say...

They needed to talk...held in silence day after day... He owed it to Ianto...he wanted so much more than before, all those things he’d run from before he’d vanished with the Doctor...words of kindness that our poor hearts crave... He wanted to be with this amazing Welshman for as long as he had...please don’t keep them hidden away...

“Jack...it’s rude to stare!” Ianto’s amused voice cut into his musings and a smile curved the corners of that soft and sensual mouth as his eyes met the Welshman’s.

“Tell him!” a voice in the back of his head chided gently...sing it out, so I can finally breathe in...I can take in all you say...

Ignoring the voice, he leant down to press a tender kiss to that gorgeous mouth “So, Ianto…you up for round two…?” the hoarse whisper sent shivers down the young man’s body and he moaned as a gentle hand reached out to cup his face and tug him back into another soft kiss…a kiss that grew in intensity as Jack’s tongue mapped the inside of the Welshman’s mouth and the other hand sought a different, much lower, area of his body…reaching out for someone I believe in...

Giving himself totally to the glorious sensations raging through him, Ianto melted into the embrace, kissing back fiercely as their bodies arched together and he lost himself in everything that was just Jack…all I really need today...I want to feel your love...

Somewhere, deep within the burning passion and searing kisses, Ianto knew his heart was lost…given freely to this complex and larger-than-life man who carried so much pain and responsibility on his shoulders… will you reveal your love...

He moaned as Jack kissed him into oblivion, caressing, teasing...please don’t keep your love...hidden away...every touch like fire on heated skin until they were joined completely and they exploded into blissful ecstasy…

Lost in a pleasurable warm and tingling afterglow, his eyelids fluttering closed Ianto was startled to feel Jack’s lips press lightly against his own before the whispered “I love you, Ianto...I’ll never leave you again...” I want to free your heart...

Blue grey depths that radiated with emotion met clear blue pools...I want to see your heart... “Love you too, Jack...and I’m glad you’re back...” Please don’t keep your heart...hidden away...

End

AN1: Please bear with me these next few weeks – I’m exam marking at the moment and it is a vicious beast which consumes my every waking hour outside of work... This means I’m behind on my reading [I’ll catch up eventually!] and my writing – there is another Captain Coat and Coffee Man in progress, plus several more planned, as well as an AU... Believe me when I say the withdrawal symptoms from LJ will have me climbing the walls before I’m done! So...I’ll be scarce for about 3 weeks – and then beware as I’ll be driving you all mad and you’ll be sick of me!!!