My Confession

Title: My confession...
Author: zazajb
Rating: NC-17, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto,
Spoilers – none, set early s2
Summary: Jack ponders his feelings... Words 2350

Fic masterlist: http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to dabble with them from time to time

A/N Someone asked me for this some time ago and I can’t remember who! If it was you, let me know and I’ll change this! Anyway, I was going to do Josh Groban’s Illuminations until I listened to the words of this and they took my breath away... Muse identified! Step forward the lovely sassysailorgirl  Glad you liked it love *hugs* xxx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OhI1EhAQWI

A/N 1 More Captain Coat and Coffee Man in the next couple of days plus a few others...a bit of sunshine and the bunnies are hopping!

My confession

Jack leant on the railings outside his office and watched Ianto as he delivered the mugs of coffee and plates of chocolate brownie to the team. He didn’t look as though he’d narrowly escaped an untimely death at the hands – or teeth – of a particularly vicious male weevil less than two hours ago... In fact, apart from the bruise on his temple and the long claw scrape that ran down the side of his neck and disappeared into the pristine collar of purple Swiss cotton, there were no outward signs at all.

Jack’s heart hammered in his chest and he caught his breath as he realised just how perilously close he’d come to losing his precious Welshman. This was followed by the earth shattering realisation of just how precious he really was...and not just to the team, but to him...I have been blind...

Suddenly it was hard to breathe as his stomach took a body blow, driving the air from his lungs as his head was filled with the memory of Ianto’s prone body on the grubby alley floor with blood spilling down to soak into his shirt... Blinking those images away, his heart skipped a beat as Ianto turned to glance up – no doubt feeling the intensity of his Captain’s gaze burning into the back of his head! The young man gave him a tiny smile, curving the corners of his mouth...that gorgeous mouth that Jack loved to kiss until their lips were pink and swollen and their heads were spinning...

As Ianto vanished down the steps to autopsy with Owen’s coffee, Jack closed his eyes, images of their lovemaking that morning racing through his mind, that look blazing from Ianto’s cobalt blue eyes as they met his own...the young man’s love given freely and without condition...and he knew without question that he’d been hiding from his own feelings for too long...unwilling...to see the true love you’re giving...

“I almost lost you today...” he whispered to the empty air, opening his eyes to find them brimming with unshed tears...I have ignored every blessing... He turned and went back into his office, slumping heavily into his chair, knowing that today could have been so different if he’d been just a minute later... A tear slid down his face as he sent a prayer and a promise heavenward...I’m on my knees, confessing...a promise that he would change...

“Ianto...” he breathed...he needed to tell him...that I feel myself surrender each time I see your face... to tell him how he felt...I am captured by your beauty...your unassuming grace... It was a feeling he’d hidden from, eons worth of barriers he’d constructed to keep his emotions locked away, to protect himself from the inevitable grief when they left him alone once more, their bodies turning to dust as he lived on... Ianto was different, somehow this quiet, perfect pinstripe clad young Welshman had managed to melt away his defences...and I feel my heart is turning – falling into place...

He brushed the tear away as Ianto reappeared from autopsy and made his way towards the stairs up to his Captain’s office, two mugs left on his tray. Hurriedly pulling a file from the pile stacked up in his ‘IN’ tray, Jack attempted to look nonchalant and immersed in his work as Ianto tapped lightly on the open door and came in.

Jack glanced up from his report and smiled in greeting. “What..!” as the young man’s eyebrow quirked and a grin spread across his face as he placed mugs and plates on the desk.

“Working hard are we...sir?” those delicious Welsh vowels sent shivers of desire down his spine.

“Yes I am...all afternoon!”

Ianto’s bottom lip quivered with amusement in a way that had Jack squirming in his chair, needing to adjust his trousers to a more comfortable position...

“It’s usual, I assume to have the paper the right way up to ease the reading of such important reports...” a breathy chuckle escaped those soft and sensual lips as Jack realised he’d been caught out and he grinned ruefully.

“Okay, you got me! I’ve been ogling my archivist for most of the afternoon and trying to decide if it’s quiet enough to send everyone home early so I can ravish him...”

Ianto’s endearing blush and the delighted laugh as he threw his head back, exposing his pale throat decided Jack once and for all and he reached out to drag the Welshman bodily into his lap, sliding one hand around the back of his neck and curling the other one around his waist as he captured his lips in a sweet and tender kiss...I can’t hide, now hear my confession...

Ianto’s gasp of surprise was lost as he sank into the embrace, winding his arms around Jack’s neck to thread his fingers lovingly through the older man’s hair as he was kissed into oblivion, losing himself in everything that was just Jack...Their tongues swirled joyously together before each explored every contour of the other’s mouth... They broke apart long enjoyable minutes later, somewhat breathless, faces flushed and hair dishevelled and rested foreheads together enjoying the closeness and the stolen moment...

Jack tipped Ianto’s chin up and brushed their lips together lightly before pulling back to gaze into the young man’s eyes and immersing himself in the warmth of the love that sparkled in those deep blue pools. He tried to remember a time when his first and last thoughts each day had been about something other than this wonderful man in his arms...and failed... Ianto gave him meaning...gave him respite from the heavy burden of responsibility...Ianto loved him despite the decisions he had to make...knew that what they did could mean pain and loss in order to protect humanity...

He saw again the empty shell he’d become before, when the barriers he’d put up left him so alone...I have been wrong about you – I thought I was strong without you... He’d been so intent on waiting for the Doctor...for so long nothing could move me...and so embroiled in the bitterness and anger at being left behind by the one man who could give him the answers he so desperately craved that he’d become a machine without a heart...a man without a soul...for so long nothing could change me...

His eyes filled with tears as he caressed the Welshman’s cheek, closing the gap to capture his lips tenderly...reverently as he poured his love into the kiss...the love he needed to voice...now I feel myself surrender...each time I see your face... His arms tightened around the young man as they kissed hungrily, delicious tendrils of want creeping through them as blood supplies fled southwards.

They came up for air, panting softly. “Why don’t you go and wait for me downstairs while I send the others home – we’ve all done enough for one day...” Jack’s breath, hot on his neck, made Ianto shiver with desire and he slid off his Captain’s lap to move across to the ladder leading down to Jack’s bunker. He paused on the second rung, gazing at the older man with lust blown eyes and Jack was rendered speechless once more as he absorbed just how perfect the young man was...I am captured by your beauty...your unassuming grace...

“I won’t be long...” he managed to gasp, before pushing out of his chair to give his team their marching orders for the day. Glancing back as Ianto’s head disappeared from sight, he couldn’t stop the contented smile that lit up his face – after so long alone this felt so right...and I feel my heart is turning...falling into place...

Leaning over the railings he gave them the good news, watching as Gwen and Owen practically ran in their eagerness to escape before he changed his mind! Tosh was slower to leave, setting her computer to complete running her programme overnight. Eventually she gave him a quiet smile and wished him good night. Jack heaved a sigh of relief when the roller door clunked solidly behind her. Alone...finally...

Returning to his office he stood silently by the open hole in the floor...Ianto was just a few feet away... Jack realised he was trembling...this was it...he was going to tell him...I can’t hide it, now hear my confession...

He slid down the ladder to find Ianto laying on his tiny bunk, still fully clothed apart from his jacket and shoes, his hands linked behind his head. Pausing by the ladder as he fought to control the butterflies in his stomach, Jack was overcome by the rush of love as Ianto turned to smile at him...you are the air that I breathe...I can’t live without him – this city, this life...is nothing without him...you’re the ground beneath my feet... How could he have missed this for so long? When did I stop believing?

“Jack..?” Ianto sat up and swung his legs to the floor, concern evident on his face “What’s wrong?”

Taking a deep breath in, Jack moved across to his bed and sank to his knees to edge into the gap between Ianto’s legs, one hand sliding around the young man’s waist, the other cupped his face. “Nothing’s wrong...I’m just thinking how beautiful you are...” he whispered as he captured those soft and sensual lips in a tender kiss and the butterflies went into full spin mode, rising high into the sky to  dance amongst the stars...

Ianto’s arms snaked around his Captain’s neck as he sank into the embrace and opened his mouth to allow Jack’s tongue to explore... He wondered, fleetingly, what it was about Jack’s kisses that had him floating three feet off the floor as he lost himself in the sensation of everything that was Jack...

They parted, softly, sharing warm breath with lips just millimetres apart, heartbeats racing as the air around them tingled with the heady scent of desire and the promise of what was to come. Jack’s hands moved to loosen the perfect knot of red silk at his Welshman’s throat, tugging it from his collar and dropping it to the floor before his trembling fingers fumbled with the top buttons of his shirt...’cause I feel myself surrender...

Ianto closed his eyes and arched his neck, a low moan escaping as Jack’s lips pressed feather-light kisses to his skin as his throat was exposed, “Jack...” he protested hoarsely as the older man pulled back to gaze at him...each time I see your face...

Capturing his lips once more, Jack’s hands returned to the buttons on his Welshman’s shirt and worked his way down until he was tugging the fabric out of his waistband. He pulled back from his mouth, lips now deliciously pink and kiss swollen, so he could remove Ianto’s coffee bean cufflinks, placing them carefully on the bedside table, before sliding the shirt from the young man’s shoulders and dropping it to the floor alongside his tie.

His breath hitched as he ran his hands over Ianto’s shoulders and down his chest, spreading his fingers as they trailed down through the soft downy hair, pausing to tease his nipples until they hardened under his touch...I am staggered by your beauty... Ianto’s head was thrust back, his eyes closed and his breath a series of tiny pants between gently parted lips...your unassuming grace...

Jack’s mouth followed the trail of his hands, soft kisses covering every inch of pale skin, tongue and teeth teasing those jutting nubs of flesh until the Welshman was mewling and squirming... One hand on his chest, Jack pushed Ianto back so he was laying on the bunk, the young man’s eyes fluttering open as passion and desire reflected in twin pools of blue...and I feel my heart falling into place...

Hands now attacked buckle, belt and zip, tugging trousers and underwear down as one, adding them to the pile on the floor. Finally socks were dropped on top of the heap to leave Jack’s eyes sweeping his lover’s naked body with very obvious appreciation...I can’t hide it...now hear my confession...

Ianto whimpered...”Jack...please...” arching his body off the bedclothes, a low moan of pleasure replacing his needy plea as he was engulfed in the moist warmth of his Captain’s mouth... Jack reached one hand up to link with his lover’s whilst the other trailed backwards to tease the entrance to his body, feeling the tender flesh quiver beneath his touch, as teeth and tongue sent Ianto’s senses spiralling...

“Jack...stop...I want you...wanna feel you...” Ianto gasped breathlessly, squeezing their joined hands tightly...

Releasing him, Jack quickly shed his own clothes, scattering them wildly, and returned to the bed to crush their mouths together, tongues dancing a passionate rumba as they writhed together in the tiny bunk. Jack reached for the lube and expertly flipped it open one handed, coating his fingers before sliding first one, then a second into Ianto’s willing body, the young man moaning when fingertips brushed that magic spot and a wave of pleasure washed over him, pushing him ever closer to the edge...

“Now Jack...need you now...” he pleaded against his Captain’s lips, sighing with satisfaction as fingers were removed and Jack pushed in slowly, relishing the hot tight feeling of Ianto’s body around him. Moving slowly, eyes locked together, Jack made love to him...tenderly...bodies trembling as if it was that first time all over again, until they exploded together in blissful release and floated on wave after wave of exquisite pleasure...

Brushing a lock of hair off his Welshman’s sweat soaked brow, Jack gazed into his eyes, drowning himself in the intensity of emotion blazing from those beautiful blue depths...I can’t hide it...

He smiled, his fingers tracing the outline of Ianto’s lips...now hear my confession...

”I love you, Ianto Jones...” he kissed him softly, “always you...only you”...now hear my confession...”I love you...”

End