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Title: Light after the darkness
Author: zazajb
Rating: PG-13, references to M/M, occasional language
Pairings/Characters: Jack, Ianto
Spoilers – none, set just after KKBB
Summary: Ianto‘s insecurities get the better of him on a dark wintry night
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to dabble with them from time to time
A/N Written for Darkness: challenge #5 Redisourcolour
Ianto shivered and tugged his coat more closely around his frozen body, leaning into the bitter northerly wind that ripped right through him. The fingers that gripped his gun were numb and his teeth chattered uncontrollably as he picked his way carefully through the dense undergrowth that skirted the trees.
Why on earth had Jack gone out without him? He’d woken to find him gone, a note that just said ‘weevil, Bute Park, J’ He’d cursed him, attempted to call him...ringing into answer-phone...and cursed him again... Still cursing [and repeatedly trying his phone] he’d flung his clothes on and headed out after him.
Sometimes Jack really drove him mad...
His breath huffed icy clouds as he paused to listen. The wind howled and shook the trees violently as if to strip them bare of their leaves...other sounds of night assailed his frozen ears – creaking of branches, rustling of foliage, the crack of bracken underfoot as something...or someone moved towards him...
“Jack!” he hissed, a nervous tremor giving him a definite girly squawk. “Jack...is that you..?”
The noise moved closer. Ianto peered towards the sound. He could see nothing but darkness, the shadows menacing and oppressive, encouraging all of his fears and insecurities out to play...everything seemed more threatening at night...in the dark... Terrors that lurked in the corners in the brightness of day got their freedom as twilight claimed the sky...his demons parading proudly...every tremble and sharp intake of breath music to their ears...
“Jack..?”
A shadow to his left moved...coming closer... He froze and sank down to his knees, pressing himself into the undergrowth. The shadow stopped in front of him and he could vaguely make out a figure...a hooded figure...it raised its arm
“Who’re you...what’ve you done with Jack..?” he demanded hoarsely, terror playing havoc with his vocal chords...
The figure pointed...Jack lay to his left. He was dead, his throat ripped out , the clean crisp blue of his shirt unrecognisable now, soaked with arterial blood, his lifeless eyes open and staring...
Ianto felt a sob choke in his throat. He reached out towards the body of his lover, only to find he was unable to move... The finger pointed back at him and he shuddered as his thoughts turned inward and the bleakness of loss and loneliness washed across the stage...
He was watching Jack as the Captain paced in his office...he was different somehow since he’d been back...back from his time with the Doctor, the Timelord who’d stolen him away, changed him, hurt him...tempted him...
Sure, Jack was back...had come back for him – or so he said – but his smile never reached his eyes any more, his touch had a kind of desperation to it, as if he was trying to forget...and who else would he be forgetting but the Doctor...
They’d resumed their relationship – or whatever it was you wanted to call it – sharing late nights, early mornings and bodily parts intimately, but Jack’s face would wear a distant look and he knew that whilst the body the older man was loving was his...the one in his head was someone else...someone now far, far away...and Ianto was just the part-time shag so delicately [and, it now seemed so accurately] summed up by Owen.
There were so many questions he wanted to ask him...”where did you go? What happened? Am I..? am I what..? Ok, do I..? do I matter to you? No, can’t ask that – in case he says no...if he says no, I couldn’t...no, don’t ask that...ever! Would you go back to him...no don’t ask that – in case he says yes... Do you love me..? NO, don’t ask him that either...
But since he’s been back he has been different...mechanical, detached...I’m nothing to him, his touch is...superficial one minute and urgent the next, like he’s blocking something...someone...out...and he’s going to leave you Ianto Jones...leave you alone and screaming...screaming at those demons in your head...until you can’t scream any more and then they’re going to take you...take you to the darkness for the rest of eternity...You. Are. Mine. Ianto Jones...he has forsaken you for the other...
Jack gasped as he was thrown back from death and sat up. He looked at Ianto accusingly. “You weren’t there...I died and you weren’t there...I came back and you still weren’t there...that must mean you are no longer for me...goodbye Ianto...”
Ianto screamed, sheer force of will pulling away from the dead weight that had pinned his arms to his sides,..flailing and fighting as the cloaked figure reached towards him...to take him to the darkness...it had hold of him now...
“Ianto! Ianto, sweetheart...wake up..! It’s ok...come on...wake up...you’re safe...
His eyes flew open, darting wildly around the darkened cubbyhole that was Jack’s room, strong arms held him close and rocked him gently, soothing him...
“...dead...weevil...hooded man...you left me...demons in the dark...you left..don’t leave me...” he mumbled incoherently, gripping Jack’s hand tightly...
Jack smoothed his hair off his forehead and pressed his lips gently to his brow. “I’m not going anywhere and I‘ll be here as long as you need me...ok?” He leant down to capture the Welshman’s lips with his own, the kiss soft and tender... reassuring...as he carefully entwined their fingers and Ianto felt the warmth and comforting pressure of his hand...
His heart stumbled on, encouraged by the promise that whatever the nightmares, there would always be light after the darkness...
End
